Hamlet as in Piglet?

Dear Literary Anorexics,

Your profound inability to understand let alone knowledge of Shakespeare/Austen/Bronte/Hardy/Dickens is most encumbering. Your lack of laughter at my witty allusions does not make me "lame", it makes you stupid. The ape-like expressions to which you approach such texts is altogether amusing especially when coupled with the primate hoots at your confusion. It is the criticism which is most foul and unnatural *cue laughter at witty allusion*. The naive judgements, nay vehement exclamations to the heavens of the obsolete nature of these authors is unfounded. Just because Pizza Hut has opened around the corner doesn't mean people stop going to Italy (If I may quote from the baser adaptation 'Bride and Prejudice' WHICH may I add has not become the sole substitute of Austen's Pride and Prejudice but a derivative satirical farce. (Which fairly, provided adequate amusement))

The point, dearly deprived, is your crucifixion of those who enjoy and *SHOCK HORROR* actually gain some moral rejuvenation. Yes, me. I am used to being martyred for my enjoyment of the Baroque period, the criticism of the historically incorrect portrayal of channel 10's Merlin and my constant humming of the great musical theatre scores but THIS WILL NOT STAND.
I do not claim to be a literary expert, barely at the tip of the literary iceberg, but your foolhardiness is no justification for the insolence of your rejection. My willingness to extend my tendrils of understanding is no justification for the impertinence of your jesting. The Board of Studies' (often misguided) attempt to empower a sense of appreciation is no justification for you to place the Australian education system into disrepute.

In short: You Suck.


Yours Sincerely,
The eternally incensed.


P.s.
This letter was written in a jovial spirit - no offence taken, so no offence intended :)